Neutrinos faster than the oldtrinos
By a water-cooler somewhere in CERN stand Dave, a boy on work experience, and his boss.
DAVE: So Boss, these fruitinis, what’s that all about?
BOSS: They’re neutrinos, Dave, and they’re pretty swift.
DAVE: How swift?
BOSS: You know how fast Tony Blair agrees to give a highly paid public speech?
DAVE: Yep, the speed of light.
BOSS: Well, these neutrinos are even quicker than that. They travelled from here to Italy in less time than it takes a Greek to dip into his overdraft.
DAVE: They didn’t go with Ryanair, then. So, how DID they do that?
BOSS: Well, due to the curvature of the Earth they were aimed slightly into the ground, so they probably went through a wormhole.
DAVE: I hope the worms got out of the way. How does this actually affect us?
BOSS: Well, for a start, Mohammed Ali would no longer be able to turn off his bedroom light and be under the covers before it got dark. Although, to be fair, that may be more down to the Parkinson’s these days.
BOSS: It also means time travel may be possible, although we won’t know for sure until further results are released last week.
DAVE: And what’s that bloke doing over there?
BOSS: That’s Professor Bolt – he’s claiming the results are invalid as the particles made a false start.
DAVE: How do you know all this stuff?
BOSS: We’re cleaners Dave, we pick up a lot of stuff – talking of which, help me with these Higgs Boson particles, I’ve been looking for them …